If I Wasn’t Mormon… and other things

AH!!! Luke! You are a Mormon!?!?! Those weird people who live in the Utah desert and breed like rabbits? No, that is not true, Mormons live all over the world now, not just in the Utah desert. Yes I am LDS (Latter Day Saint, or Mormon for those of you who are less educated about us). I’m not here to talk about whether Mormonism is right or wrong, please don’t hate me for being one (if somebody accidentally ends up reading this), however, I would like to dispute a few rumors about us. No we do not practice polygamy anymore, and asking a Mormon how many wives he has is like asking a Catholic how many infidels they sent to the inquisition this year, it was a part of our history, but we abolished it. Also, our horns really aren’t noticeable, and most of us get them removed now days so … yeah, we don’t like to talk about that.
What this post is supposed to be about is what I would be like if I was not Mormon, and I’ll put some other thoughts after if I feel like it, but I probably won’t because I’m not on my own computer right now and this keyboard sux!
I often think about what my life would be like if I did not belong to the church. Usually a couple times… an hour. There are some things that I would be unsure if I would be different on, but there are a few things I know would be very different in my life.
The thing I am most sure about it that I would be addicted to coffee. I don’t drink it because it is against our teachings (which I am honestly not sure why that is [if it’s the whole “it’s addictive” thing, then why do we not ban energy drinks and video games? If it’s the “it’s bad for your body” then why don’t we ban McDonald’s?]), but I will admit I have had it a couple times. My grandparents on my dad’s side are not LDS and drink buku amounts of coffee, and they try to get me to come over to the dark side and have some with them, and I have. It is nectar of the Gods people, unfortunately the one God that actually exists says it is no bueno, so I can’t have it, but oh just the thought of that goodness is making me drool.
One thing that I am pretty sure of that would be different about me is that I would be terrified of death, right now I don’t want to die, but it’s not a pressing matter on my mind. If I didn’t have my religion, I would be pissing myself right now. That also leads me to think that I would be in much better shape if I wasn’t Mormon since I’d want to live as long as I could and be as healthy I could be. Though there is the possibility that I would be so interested in what happens after you die that I would be too distracted to be scared.
I wonder if I wasn’t borne into a church (not necessarily THE church) if I would “find religion”. I don’t think that I would, honestly, I would either be Buddhist in the sense of finding enlightenment within yourself, or atheist. I have come to accept the church and I wholly believe that it is true, but I had a hard time getting to that belief. I don’t know, this one it kind of hard to explain over text.
I know some things would not change whether I was Mormon or not, I still would not drink. Drinking is horrible for your insides, makes you fat, makes you act like an idiot, it tastes like somebody vomited a loaf of bread into a glass (nice imaging Luke), smells worse, and it is hella expensive. I hate drunk driving, and I hate how alcohol makes some nice people scary, and you can have just as much fun without it. I would not smoke or do any drugs, also because it’s horrible for your insides, it stinks more than alcohol, it makes you ugly, and it is also hella expensive.
I would still be nice to people in general and have hope for common man. I believe that people are good usually, but it is power that corrupts and whatnot (ooo, now I am a Mormon with liberal political views! Is that possible?) I thought this to be true before they brainwashed me in church, that it is just better to be good to other people, and holding a grudge is just wasting energy on something negative, it’s like trying to fill a black hole, it is useless, so what do you do? You first find out how you found and got to a black hole in the first place, and then you get out of there!
Lastly something that people might find strange, but I am confident this would be the same about me if I were not Mormon, I would still practice abstinence. I know, weird right, even if I was an atheist I would. Partially because of the fear of getting a nasty hitchhiker afterward, and partially because I am and would be a big believer in… the unique bond that humans can make between each other in marriage.
Anyway, sorry, but like I said earlier, I am not on my own computer and the guy I chloroformed borrowed it from is starting to wake up want it back. Plus this PC keyboard is killing my fingers that have been pampered on those sissy Mac keys.