INSECT ATTACK!!!

Let me start out this little story by explaining a little something about myself.  I hate violence.  I do enjoy a round of Call of Duty, Gears of War, or Halo every now and then, but as far as real life goes, I hate it.  I have only punched a person once (that's all it took and we were both done), I prefer to solve my problems with words or better yet just don't get into tense situations in the first place.  Not only that, I hate killing anything, I am the type of person who instead of squishing a spider in my house I'll get a cup and move it outside because I feel guilty if I kill it.  There are only two times I have made exceptions to my non-killing rule (I'll get into that later).  I would not classify me as a pacifist seeing as I own an R 700, a M14,  a M911 Beretta, and a Mosin Nagant, and I know how to use them (burglars beware), but none the less I would never use them for hunting... probably.  Now that you know I hate to kill most things, I will tell you about the two things I have no problem killing.

The first is mice, and I actually do hate killing mice, but there was this one time I was cleaning some really old house that had not been taken care of.  It had mice everywhere; too many to use traps, unless I wanted to clean and set new ones for the next month or so.  I found out that they were living in two places, behind the refrigerator and in the pantry.  It was easy enough to get them out from behind the fridge so they were all in the pantry.  After that I just had to clear each shelf of the pantry while wearing my big combat boots waiting for them to jump out.  It wasn't pretty, and I have suffered from acute PTSD ever since.

The second is wasps.  Not White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, the little black and yellow brood spawned from the deepest depths of Hell.  I still take no pleasure in killing them, but I will not hesitate to rid the world of just a little bit of evil.  This leads me into that story I mentioned before.  I was getting ready for bed tonight when I saw it, one of the largest wasps I had ever beheld was buzzing around the top of my bathroom mirror.  My immediate thought was KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!  Luckily I had enough wits to realize I could very possibly burn my house down, so then I did the next best thing by grabbing the largest object I could find that wouldn't damage my walls and hurl it at Satan's minion.  I only half hit it, but it was still enough to knock it into my sink.  Working now through pure instinct, I threw on the water and proceeded to bludgeon it with the butt of my shaving cream can screaming like a little girl the whole time.  It took the rest of my nerve to scoop up the soggy pile of puss with some bath tissue and flush it down the toilet.

You are looking in the face of pure evil ladies and gentlemen

After my glorious victory against the powers of the devil, I collapsed on a couch for several long minutes before thinking that I should blog about this.  Just think of all the pathos that this little ... thing was able to inspire in me simply from being in its presence.  Yeah that's a little bit of a stretch, but I tried.